
The Orange Test
As this is such a simple problem.
One which everyone knows the options for.
Why not encourage the children to recognise this.
By asking the simple question “'What is it about this orange which is so important to you?"
You get to hear the interest or reason for why they want the orange.
If they both want to eat/drink it.
Then the solution should become obvious even to the children.
We are going to be asked to share it, so we might as well agree to do so.
The difference here is that choose the option, so all relationships remain intact, mostly.
But maybe they don't both want to eat/drink it.
Child 1 wants the juice to make a drink.
Child 2 wants the peel for an art project.
Now the dynamics have changed.
Both children in the dispute are aware of the other person’s point of view.
They can be supported to come up with their own solution.
Both feel heard and their friendship is still intact, as is your relationship as a trusted adult, who remains fair and listens to them.
They will feel proud of themselves for sorting out their own problem.
We often see situations from our own point of view and think that the argument has been caused because of what we know (you eat oranges so splitting it in half is fair). If we rely on our own assumptions and interpretations of the situation alone then we will probably miss vital information.
We not only need to know the position = I want the orange, we also need to know the reason behind making this statement, the interest i.e. ‘Why do you want the orange?”
Thanks for taking the orange test.
Book a free meet and greet to see how I can help you to help yourself.
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